Columbus’ Cock and Ball Theory
I was walking, talking (to myself), and as I walked, talking (about me versus wealth), I spotted a cow. Now, cows aren’t - not that they can’t - predisposed to repose upon any of the rows of pretty little (pitiful) fences lining the terraces along which - still not rich - I walk, talking, to me (if only he would heed). This reclining bovine’s fine shape, smiling face, and measured grace, caught the eye that I was using to peruse my cruising; I was searching, reaching, hoping - groping - for something to spice up my thrice-cursed commute and there, hirsute and very cute, sat that cow I’m discussing now. Flushing the rushing from my mission to work I paused, caught, brought to thought - why, and how, here and now, a cow on a fence outside a house? Three inches long from tail to prong and one and a half tall, legs and all. He - she - was destined for me, to join with me on my - suddenly - jaunty, merry, bouncy walk to work.
And that made my day very nice. She and I took some photos on my lunchbreak as we munched some choclit in Greenwich and sang round a cannon. Also, my little cow might have tried to eat Canada One. Bless her. I’ll post those later.
Surely no-one, at any time in our history, has ever believed the world to be flat. I was very young when I saw that the world was as ball-shaped as some other things I was just beginning to discover and fiddle with. It’s clearly spherical - it curves in quite an ostentatious manner, regardless of whether or not you’re looking out at a broad bending sea or just observing a mountain rise up over the horizon as you approach it. You’d have to be stupid to think it flat. Now, I could understand it having an edge (except that the loss of water over the edge would be astronomical (get it?!) and God’s water bill would be mindblowing) because people back then understood that all things end somewhere or sometime, even gods, even the universe. This is why pagans celebrate New Year’s - it’s their way of expressing relief that the world hasn’t ended and they can go on prancing about menhirs and discovering their balls while being conquered by more efficient peoples. So, what claptrap was Columbus trying to dispell? Or was he simply hoping to show that the world joined back up again round the back? Perhaps he too was observing his bollocks at play one day and thought:
“Of course! On the other side there’ll be an inexplicable welder’s line that holds it together! I shall immediately set sail to prove this - Columbus’ Cock and Ball Theory.”
By the way, that line down your todger and testicles is called the penile raphe and exists - like the nipples above it - because we all started out as girls.
>cough<
Ed just fought off a small but violent inbreak of transdimensional demon gypsies (they’re similar to the mundane ones we know but leave larger stools). He had words with them but wasn’t getting anywhere so simply banished them all to oblivion in a big misty sort of glowy kind of half swirly, half wiggly, quarter muggy flash. Then he sighed - he’d gone and banished his biscuits as well. I gave him mine, obviously, but you could see he was still miffed.
